Mood: Lazy
so i called in sick today. i wasn't REALLY sick, but i just wanted to stay in bed all day. i mean, i did feel a bit nauseous, but really only when i asked myself if i was feeling nauseous. i think we deserve these days once in a while, especially since i'm on call all night tonight and have to work straight into the day tomorrow. okay, enough justifications.
today i am six weeks pregnant. it seems like it should be so much farther along than that! i feel like i've been pregnant forever! these initial three months really are going to be intermineable, eh? lying to friends about why i'm not drinking, not sleeping well, and not seeing the hubby for a month because of all his interviews. :( and of course nowadays i have this intense craving for attention! (not that i don't usually, but now it's even more severe). :) i've had two people in the past week tell me they're pregnant, and i want to just shout out, "me, too!" but i bite my tongue. we're holding out till 12 weeks before we make it public. six more weeks--how am i going to hold back for that long???
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
superstition come true
mood: not totally fatigued, for once
i just HAD to talk about how i didn't have any nausea, didn't i? well, yesterday i had mild to moderate nausea all day and although it wasn't awful, it did suck. no throwing up, but there were definitely times when i thought i might need to. my mom said she didn't have any morning sickness with either me or my sister, so i was really hoping that was hereditary. i've been trying to keep hydrated because that supposedly mitigates the nausea, but i really dislike water. i mean, REALLY dislike it. there have been days on end (pre-pregnancy) when i wouldn't take a sip of water. now i have to force myself to drink it. milk, on the other hand, i could drink by the gallons (especially light vanilla soymilk...mmmmmm).
i have also been soooo fatigued lately. all i ever want to do is sleep. i slept 11 hours last night and could easily have slept another six. baby must be really living it up inside of me to be using so much energy! for once right now i'm just tired, but not totally knackered, as the british would say.
it seems lately everything is about babies! there are babies, or pictures of babies, or baby talk, or baby showers, or pregnant women everywhere! maybe i am just noticing it more now, but it definitely seems to have picked up. already this summer i have three baby showers (not including mine), a one-year-old birthday party, and high expectations of more friends getting pregnant. i love it!
today as i was walking through the hall at work i found myself patting my belly and saying "i love you already." it felt good. i didn't feel scared saying it, or that i was jinxing anything. i walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself smiling, which made me smile even wider because i felt unapologetically silly.
i just HAD to talk about how i didn't have any nausea, didn't i? well, yesterday i had mild to moderate nausea all day and although it wasn't awful, it did suck. no throwing up, but there were definitely times when i thought i might need to. my mom said she didn't have any morning sickness with either me or my sister, so i was really hoping that was hereditary. i've been trying to keep hydrated because that supposedly mitigates the nausea, but i really dislike water. i mean, REALLY dislike it. there have been days on end (pre-pregnancy) when i wouldn't take a sip of water. now i have to force myself to drink it. milk, on the other hand, i could drink by the gallons (especially light vanilla soymilk...mmmmmm).
i have also been soooo fatigued lately. all i ever want to do is sleep. i slept 11 hours last night and could easily have slept another six. baby must be really living it up inside of me to be using so much energy! for once right now i'm just tired, but not totally knackered, as the british would say.
it seems lately everything is about babies! there are babies, or pictures of babies, or baby talk, or baby showers, or pregnant women everywhere! maybe i am just noticing it more now, but it definitely seems to have picked up. already this summer i have three baby showers (not including mine), a one-year-old birthday party, and high expectations of more friends getting pregnant. i love it!
today as i was walking through the hall at work i found myself patting my belly and saying "i love you already." it felt good. i didn't feel scared saying it, or that i was jinxing anything. i walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself smiling, which made me smile even wider because i felt unapologetically silly.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
barely imperceptible nausea
mood: Hungry
it's so weird to think about what is going on inside my uterus. here's what 'they' say: baby is about the size of a small grain of rice! During the early part of this pregnancy at 5 weeks the central nervous system, muscles, bones and even the heart will begin to form. Early skeletal development is also possible at or around pregnancy week 5. Perhaps the most interesting changes that are occurring during 5 weeks pregnant include those happening in the heart. During this week the heart will begin to divide into separate chambers and start pumping blood. The heart is formed from the middle layer of cells called the mesoderm. Other organs that will develop from this layer include the muscles, cartilage and bone. The primitive placenta and umbilical cord are also developing. The neural tube starts developing in the top layer of cells called the ectoderm. The skin, hair, nails and sweat glands will also develop out of this layer of cells. The lungs, intestines, thyroid and pancreas also develop from a third layer of cells called the endoderm.
wow. the miracle of nature.
i have been DREADING the cover-your-mouth-and-run-to-the-bathroom-in-the-middle-of-a-meeting nausea. it's the side effect of pregnancy i knew i'd be least able to handle with grace. luckily, i've been spared so far (the superstitious part of me is cursing myself for writing that). i've had a super mild barely perceptible nausea that i can sense when i think about it, but if i'm doing something else, i totally forget about it. i haven't had any episodes of emesis, but if i did get nauseous, i would hope to throw up because at least then i'd feel better temporarily. however, i know it is only the beginning, and a lot of women don't get it for another few weeks. i keep having to remind myself: lemon water and crackers. lemon water and crackers.
so i've had two dreams in which i've dreamt i'm having a boy, but when i think about the baby during daytime hours, it's always a girl. i'm not sure what that means. my mother-in-law is insistent that it will be a boy, but i think that's traditional indian wishful thinking. (heck, my parents wanted me to be a boy, and when i wasn't, they REALLY wanted my sister to be a boy.) of course i'll be happy with either a healthy happy baby girl or boy. i just have no experience with little boys. they're just so...foreign! i've never had brothers or nephews or friends who've had boys. the closest i've come is the two little neighbor mexican kids i would babysit in med school, but they liked rups better because he would throw them up in the air (too high if you ask me).
i'm starving, so i'm going out for maki tonight. mmmmmm.....!
it's so weird to think about what is going on inside my uterus. here's what 'they' say: baby is about the size of a small grain of rice! During the early part of this pregnancy at 5 weeks the central nervous system, muscles, bones and even the heart will begin to form. Early skeletal development is also possible at or around pregnancy week 5. Perhaps the most interesting changes that are occurring during 5 weeks pregnant include those happening in the heart. During this week the heart will begin to divide into separate chambers and start pumping blood. The heart is formed from the middle layer of cells called the mesoderm. Other organs that will develop from this layer include the muscles, cartilage and bone. The primitive placenta and umbilical cord are also developing. The neural tube starts developing in the top layer of cells called the ectoderm. The skin, hair, nails and sweat glands will also develop out of this layer of cells. The lungs, intestines, thyroid and pancreas also develop from a third layer of cells called the endoderm.
wow. the miracle of nature.
i have been DREADING the cover-your-mouth-and-run-to-the-bathroom-in-the-middle-of-a-meeting nausea. it's the side effect of pregnancy i knew i'd be least able to handle with grace. luckily, i've been spared so far (the superstitious part of me is cursing myself for writing that). i've had a super mild barely perceptible nausea that i can sense when i think about it, but if i'm doing something else, i totally forget about it. i haven't had any episodes of emesis, but if i did get nauseous, i would hope to throw up because at least then i'd feel better temporarily. however, i know it is only the beginning, and a lot of women don't get it for another few weeks. i keep having to remind myself: lemon water and crackers. lemon water and crackers.
so i've had two dreams in which i've dreamt i'm having a boy, but when i think about the baby during daytime hours, it's always a girl. i'm not sure what that means. my mother-in-law is insistent that it will be a boy, but i think that's traditional indian wishful thinking. (heck, my parents wanted me to be a boy, and when i wasn't, they REALLY wanted my sister to be a boy.) of course i'll be happy with either a healthy happy baby girl or boy. i just have no experience with little boys. they're just so...foreign! i've never had brothers or nephews or friends who've had boys. the closest i've come is the two little neighbor mexican kids i would babysit in med school, but they liked rups better because he would throw them up in the air (too high if you ask me).
i'm starving, so i'm going out for maki tonight. mmmmmm.....!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
My first admitted entry
mood: kinda reserved
so i'm finally starting to believe this could be happening. The pregnancy websites say this is day number 36 and i'm 5 weeks pregnant. (they put an exclamation point at the end). i have 244 days or 34 weeks left, and am 12.9% of the way there.baby's age since conception is 22 days or 3 weeks. i am due on 11/24/2008.
we'd been trying for a few months so when the pregnancy test was positive a couple weeks ago, i honestly didn't quite believe it. i didn't feel happy, i didn't feel sad, i didn't feel anything. it was just two pink lines, one of whom i'd never met before. i wasn't even sure to tell rups because part of me felt it wasn't real.
i'm a little past the non-believing part now, but truthfully, only a little. i'm always tired, my boobs are sore, i eat non-stop, and i get weird intense cramps, but still, sometimes i just keep expecting my period. not that i want it, of course, but i find i involuntarily keep my (happy) emotions in check because otherwise i'd be too vulnerable. at least at this stage. i AM happy, and this IS what i want, but a huge part of me is holding back till the second trimester. i've told my immediate family and a few friends (and a nosy attending who just wouldn't drop it), but otherwise i think i'm keeping it pretty tight-lipped.
two nights ago, i had severe cramps lasting several hours. they were not like menstrual cramps or gas; they were these intense jabs in my lower abdomen and i could only think of the worst. i didn't want to get out of bed and see what i was fearing, so i just laid there and worried all night. i woke up really sad. thankfully, nothing came of it. i didn't get my period and my boobs hurt just as much as ever, which i'm taking to be a good sign. :)
i think this hasn't been the most exciting time yet because i'm so tired all the time, which is actually only partly due to the pregnancy. i've been doing a lot of overnight shifts at work, and working in the busiest psych ER in the country is busy, to put it mildly. some of the shifts i have to do for the residency program, but some of them i've taken on as moonlighting, which i'm going to have to cut down on. between sunday night and thursday night this week, i'll have only spent 75 minutes with rups.it's like having a long-distance relationship in the same house! not really acceptable.
something that does make me smile is that my parents have already started calling each other grandma and grandpa. now that is cute.
so i'm finally starting to believe this could be happening. The pregnancy websites say this is day number 36 and i'm 5 weeks pregnant. (they put an exclamation point at the end). i have 244 days or 34 weeks left, and am 12.9% of the way there.baby's age since conception is 22 days or 3 weeks. i am due on 11/24/2008.
we'd been trying for a few months so when the pregnancy test was positive a couple weeks ago, i honestly didn't quite believe it. i didn't feel happy, i didn't feel sad, i didn't feel anything. it was just two pink lines, one of whom i'd never met before. i wasn't even sure to tell rups because part of me felt it wasn't real.
i'm a little past the non-believing part now, but truthfully, only a little. i'm always tired, my boobs are sore, i eat non-stop, and i get weird intense cramps, but still, sometimes i just keep expecting my period. not that i want it, of course, but i find i involuntarily keep my (happy) emotions in check because otherwise i'd be too vulnerable. at least at this stage. i AM happy, and this IS what i want, but a huge part of me is holding back till the second trimester. i've told my immediate family and a few friends (and a nosy attending who just wouldn't drop it), but otherwise i think i'm keeping it pretty tight-lipped.
two nights ago, i had severe cramps lasting several hours. they were not like menstrual cramps or gas; they were these intense jabs in my lower abdomen and i could only think of the worst. i didn't want to get out of bed and see what i was fearing, so i just laid there and worried all night. i woke up really sad. thankfully, nothing came of it. i didn't get my period and my boobs hurt just as much as ever, which i'm taking to be a good sign. :)
i think this hasn't been the most exciting time yet because i'm so tired all the time, which is actually only partly due to the pregnancy. i've been doing a lot of overnight shifts at work, and working in the busiest psych ER in the country is busy, to put it mildly. some of the shifts i have to do for the residency program, but some of them i've taken on as moonlighting, which i'm going to have to cut down on. between sunday night and thursday night this week, i'll have only spent 75 minutes with rups.it's like having a long-distance relationship in the same house! not really acceptable.
something that does make me smile is that my parents have already started calling each other grandma and grandpa. now that is cute.
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