Mood: Ecstatic
we're having a girl! i am so excited! i would have been happy with a boy, but i am ecstatic that it is a little girl! rups is really happy, too. i think he would have preferred a boy, but he sees how happy i am and it makes him happy. he says as long as we have a boy eventually, he's excited, too. when i told my mom and sister, they started yelling with happiness and said now they get to start shopping for little girl's clothes. :) i think my mother-in-law probably wanted the first one to be a boy, but she's happy nonetheless and congratulated me wholeheartedly.
she's such a good girl already; when we were looking at the ultrasound, i asked her to kick and she started kicking right away! she'd look over at us and i could swear she was smiling. rups has been putting his hand on my stomach every night and reading her poetry that he picks out--mostly kids poetry. it is so cute! (even when he has no idea what he is reading).
so now we have to think of a new temporary name. pinto doesn't seem to quite fit anymore. ;) my soon-to-be brother in law wants us to name her hansa. ew.
gotta go read some poetry. i can't stop smiling.
Mood: Relieved
i was at a friend's house a couple days ago and slipped on some water on her kitchen floor. i had no time to react or even think. the only thing i could do was put my hand out and before i knew it, i came crashing down on my left knee. thank GOD my stomach didn't hit anything on the way down! my knee hurt, and my heart was pounding, but other than that, i was fine. it wasn't me that i was worried about, though. before being pregnant, the first thought in my head would've been "great, now i'm going to have a big bruise on my knee all summer" but this time, all i could think about was the little baby inside me expecting me to protect it. even though i knew everything would probably be fine, i had rups sneak me into his department for an ultrasound. i just needed to see the heartbeat and see the baby moving her arms and legs (i use the word her, but i don't know the sex yet). as soon as i saw her happily moving around, i let out a big sigh and tears sprung to my eyes. i knew i was a bit worried, but i didn't know how scared i was. it was so good to just see her moving around! right now, there is no feeling that can compare.
other than that, i'm in the second trimester. i'll be starting the fifth month in less than a week and i'm still barely showing! i feel great, i don't need as much sleep, i'm for the most part so much more energetic than the first trimester, and my mood is just so good. second trimester really is soooo much better than the first--and i didn't even have morning sickness!
i've bought about $300 worth of clothes in the past month, but none of them are actually maternity clothes...i love the fact that empire waist shirts and dresses are in style--it makes shopping so much easier! more later...
Mood: Sleepy
just started the twelfth week (the title is not totally accurate, it just sounded better)! i just got out of my ob appt with my new ob doc; i still feel i just had a better connection with her. she's younger and less experienced, but maybe that's what the connection was about (the younger part). all my tests were normal and she prescribed me a prenatal with omega-3 fatty acids from algae (not fish oil, at my request). i've gained two and a half pounds, and am now in the triple digits for weight! it was weird seeing that (no haters, please--i'm pregnant).
with a doppler, i heard pinto's heartbeat whooshing away at 160+ beats a minute, which is totally healthy for him/her right now, and i heard his little movements going on inside. it was so cute! supposedly, you don't usually get an ultrasound until about 18-20 weeks unless you're high risk, but as soon as rups gets back from d.c., i'm going to have him do another one at his hospital cuz i want to SEE pinto just like i heard him.
yesterday i came back from d.c. after a weekend trip to visit rups. i hadn't seen him in three weeks and had really missed him! pinto had, too. he needed to hear his daddy's voice. it was a great visit, but of course way too short. i won't see him now for another couple weeks because he has interviews in seattle and portland and i have a wedding in new york and some moonlighting shifts i'm doing. this summer is going to be so busy; pinto will have a good head start traveling, that's for sure. hmmm, i wonder at what age babies need passports. probably right away.
i think i'll probably start telling people at the end of the thirteenth week, so in about two more weeks. then i can send out this blog to my friends and family, too.
Mood: Lonely
so tomorrow i'll be ten weeks pregnant. it really seems so much longer than that. it's hard not having rups around for an entire month, not just because i'm pregnant, but just in general. of course we talk on the phone multiple times a day, but i'm so used to him being around, making me laugh, cooking together, tucking me in at night. i miss him a lot, and it's only been a week! i'll be visiting him in d.c. in a couple weeks, but even that seems so far away. perhaps the time will go fast.
pinto is doing well, as far as i can tell. he's now the size of a lime!obviously he is too small for me to feel his movements, but i know he's his father's child and is plenty active. he may be running his own marathons in utero. :) in about three weeks, i'll be entering the second trimester, which will not only make him bigger, but more public. as of now, only the immediate family and a few close friends know. i'll probably start telling people after thirteen weeks, even if i'm not showing. some people don't really show until after twenty weeks! that's still 2.5 months away! we'll also be able to find out for sure what gender pinto is around twenty weeks. i will seriously be happy with either a boy or a girl; as everyone says of their unborn children, i just want him/her to be healthy.
at this point, i'm a little hesitant to start making concrete plans for the baby (eg thinking about how to rearrange the guest room to accommodate a crib, looking into day care for after i go back to work, stocking up on stuff i know we'll need that is on sale now, etc). i guess i don't want to set myself up for disappointment and pain if something goes wrong. of course there'd be plenty of disappointment and pain anyway, but i don't want to think about that right now. everything will be fine.
i switched ob docs this week because i just didn't feel like the one i'd had the first two appts with really cared. maybe it was just that her personality and mine didn't click, but i always felt rushed, and a little dumb after leaving her office. i feel like she kind of glanced over things, she's really hard to get appts with, and part of me felt like she was judging me, like "you're a doctor, you shouldn't ask such dumb questions." but in this situtation, i'm not a doctor, i'm a to-be-mother who wants the best for her child and doesn't care if questions sound elementary or superstitious. i just wanted her to objectively answer them, with compassion, but i didn't feel that from her. so i switched to one of her partners, whom i'd seen once in the past for a non-ob check up, and i totally liked her. she wasn't as experienced since she was only two years out of residency, but i just felt so much more of a connection with her. i just made the changes with the secretary, so i don't think either doctor even knows yet. the new one will find out in three weeks when i show up at her doorstep.
Mood: Relieved
okay, so i don't drink enough water. i KNOW. i'm trying, really i am, but i hate water. how can anyone hate water, i've been asked a million times. i don't know, but i do. i've tried flavored powder, different bottled waters, not letting myself drink anything else, but i still don't drink enough. so naturally (ready for too much information?), i've become rather constipated. this weekend the constipation cramps set in, and they scared the crap out of me (i wish). they did really freak me out, though. the worst possibilities were running through my head and after a few hours of relentless cramping, r and i went back to his hospital for a repeat ultrasound. we were actually on our way to chicago but knew we couldn't rest without knowing if the baby was okay. when i laid down on the paper-covered table this time, there was no excitement, just extreme nervousness and fear. as soon as i saw the little heart beating, my eyes welled up again, this time in such relief. one of his radiology attendings came and took a look, too, and he even said everything looked fine. all morning, the prayer 'please be okay, pinto' just kept running through my head. thank god he is. it's funny how you can love something that is one inch long with your entire heart.
Mood: Elated
this is kind of a late entry, but the emotions are still the same.
today I will have my first OB appt and r is in miami on an interview. We were kind of sad that we wouldn't be able to see the baby for the first time together, until the humor of his job hit us. he's a radiology resident and has access to ultrasound machines 24/7! duh. so about a week ago, 8 weeks and 1 day into the pregnancy, i surreptitiously snuck into his hospital while he was on call and nervously laid down on the paper-covered table. i was so nervous and excited i was even making small talk with him, which of course he called me out on. our friends, w and d, came with me for moral support (and to share in the excitement) and w held my hand while r set up the machine and put the lubricant on the probe and the probe on my slightly expanded abdomen. all of a sudden there he was. pinto patel. (we'd been jokingly referring to him as pinto for a few days since finding out at 8 weeks he was the size of a pinto bean, and as pinto just sounds like a boy's name, he became a boy that day).
he was beautiful. his beautifully curved head, the little arm and leg buds waving randomly, the slight rise of his abdomen. and then we saw the flutter. his heart was fluttering so fast and gently that it stopped mine. r was holding my hand by then and i squeezed it while tears welled up in my eyes. it had been real before, but at that moment it was REAL. we were both speechless. if you panned out of the room with a wide-angle camera, you'd see two to-be parents with goofy smiles on their faces watching a black and white fuzzy screen, mesmerized. the heart rate was 180, which i thought might be a little fast, but is actually fine. everything about him was fine--the fluid, the sac, the size, the heart, the shape. then the ultrasound tech turned on the speakers and we heard the heartbeat. whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh. one of the most amazing sounds in the human musical repertoire. it was the sound of health and delicacy and robustness and vulnerability all in one. i fell in love for the second time ever that day. and both times with patels.
Mood: Uncomfortable
i can't believe this--i'm going to be seven weeks tomorrow and already i'm gaining weight! you're not supposed to gain weight till the second trimester! admittedly, i have been eating whenever i want if i feel the slightest bit hungry, because feeling hungry makes me feel nauseous, but still! i totally have to watch what i'm eating more. i think i've gained a couple pounds already, which is so ridiculous since the baby is still only the size of a pea. and, to give too much information, i'm always constipated! i try drinking more water (rups even got me the propel power to put in my water bottles), but the more water i drink the more i pee and the more constipated i get. so i'm hungry, nauseous, putting on weight AND constipated. and it's only day 48! this is lovely.
we've even been planning on taking belly pictures, but this first picture was supposed to be me with a flat stomach--i already look three months pregnant because of my constipation! ick!
