Random thoughts

Mood: Lonely

so tomorrow i'll be ten weeks pregnant. it really seems so much longer than that. it's hard not having rups around for an entire month, not just because i'm pregnant, but just in general. of course we talk on the phone multiple times a day, but i'm so used to him being around, making me laugh, cooking together, tucking me in at night. i miss him a lot, and it's only been a week! i'll be visiting him in d.c. in a couple weeks, but even that seems so far away. perhaps the time will go fast.

pinto is doing well, as far as i can tell. he's now the size of a lime!obviously he is too small for me to feel his movements, but i know he's his father's child and is plenty active. he may be running his own marathons in utero. :) in about three weeks, i'll be entering the second trimester, which will not only make him bigger, but more public. as of now, only the immediate family and a few close friends know. i'll probably start telling people after thirteen weeks, even if i'm not showing. some people don't really show until after twenty weeks! that's still 2.5 months away! we'll also be able to find out for sure what gender pinto is around twenty weeks. i will seriously be happy with either a boy or a girl; as everyone says of their unborn children, i just want him/her to be healthy.

at this point, i'm a little hesitant to start making concrete plans for the baby (eg thinking about how to rearrange the guest room to accommodate a crib, looking into day care for after i go back to work, stocking up on stuff i know we'll need that is on sale now, etc). i guess i don't want to set myself up for disappointment and pain if something goes wrong. of course there'd be plenty of disappointment and pain anyway, but i don't want to think about that right now. everything will be fine.

i switched ob docs this week because i just didn't feel like the one i'd had the first two appts with really cared. maybe it was just that her personality and mine didn't click, but i always felt rushed, and a little dumb after leaving her office. i feel like she kind of glanced over things, she's really hard to get appts with, and part of me felt like she was judging me, like "you're a doctor, you shouldn't ask such dumb questions." but in this situtation, i'm not a doctor, i'm a to-be-mother who wants the best for her child and doesn't care if questions sound elementary or superstitious. i just wanted her to objectively answer them, with compassion, but i didn't feel that from her. so i switched to one of her partners, whom i'd seen once in the past for a non-ob check up, and i totally liked her. she wasn't as experienced since she was only two years out of residency, but i just felt so much more of a connection with her. i just made the changes with the secretary, so i don't think either doctor even knows yet. the new one will find out in three weeks when i show up at her doorstep.