Butterflies in my stomach

it's so funny how you can forget some of the most important feelings you've ever had. i'd forgotten how gently babies kick when you first start feeling them inside you. when the little bell pepper inside me (that's how big he is at 18 weeks) stretches his legs, it's as if he's fluttering butterfly wings in the air against me--soft and delicate, yet detectable and always pleasantly surprising. he weighs only 7 ounces (the amount of milk in my cereal this morning), but already he's so hugely present in our lives.

i don't know if it's a boy or girl, but i'll use 'he' for the sake of convenience. it's strange to think he's already got a full circulatory system, and if he's a girl (odd statement), the uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. this week he will start hearing; i better stop swearing. :) he seems more scientifically based this time, whereas with rani, she was pure emotion. yesterday we hung out with friends that had kids about two years apart, and it was fascinating to see just how different their personalities were, even in the younger toddler. given that both my babies will be scorpios, i can only imagine they will both be passionate and headstrong and driven, but beyond that, it's anyone's guess.

i never usually talk about what i wish for my kids, but i think these daydreams i have are pretty universal. i dream that this baby will be smart, and adorable, and clever. he'll have rups' mouth and my eyes. he'll make us laugh till our sides hurt and we are gasping for air, but he'll also make us cry with pride. he'll take care of his big sister with ferocity but always put his full competitive effort into basketball games with her. he'll learn how to cook so well that by fifteen years old i will prefer his cooking to any restaurant. he'll be able to sing and dance (where he'll get that from, i don't know) and play music that hypnotizes me. he'll love to travel and bombard me with tales of journeys that will leave me shaking my head in wonder. he'll get along with everyone, from Yale-going turtleneckers to NASCAR-loving tanktoppers. he'll be kind, and generous, and levelheaded. most of all, when i look into his eyes fifty years from now, i'll still see reflected back the spark of happiness that i see on day one.