"it's a boy!" the tech rejoiced.
"it's a boy!" i repeated. rups and i looked at each other with big smiles on our faces, the same smiles that would have been there had it been a girl. wow, a little boy. i knew it all along, but just hearing it was strange. rups couldn't stop smiling. the tech pointed out the proof on the screen--yup, it was a boy all right. many people choose to wait till the birth of the baby to find out it's sex, and i totally respect that. to me, though, getting the huge surprise now, when i'm energetic, and awake, and can hug everyone immediately, is still just as much a surprise as finding out later, and a heck of a lot less draining.
rups hugged rani a bit tighter and i couldn't stop staring at her for some reason. every development made her seem less and less of our only baby. "rani, you're having a little brother! what is his name?" we asked jokingly. in all seriousness, rani stated "tony." what?? tony? we asked her again. again she said "tony". now rani has never said the word tony in her life. we don't know anyone named tony, there is no one with the name of tony in her show 'sid the science kid' and none of her stuffed animals bear that moniker. where she got tony from we don't know, but for now, we will nickname this kid tony (at least in the blog).
our parents and sisters were, of course, ecstatic, but i think even they were less than impressed with the name tony. had rani said "raj" or "chandu" maybe they would have adopted it immediately, but tony? yeah, we'll come up with a different name...
so now we're having a little boy and i'm putting off thinking of all that entails. what do i do with a boy? i come from a family of girls, i have a girl, i AM a girl. i get girls. so to have a little boy growing inside me is almost foreign. exciting, but foreign. the rows of pretty dresses lining rani's closet are going to be packed away in more than temporary boxes, the little ribbons and sandals will follow, and with all the girly things i put away, i know i'm going to feel like i'm losing my little tiny sweet baby girl. i'm going to leave the pink bears and pink boppy out, though. hey, even rani wore blue sometimes! when the baby boy (tony) comes, i know all the adoration i thought i had packed away will come pouring back out, along with little blue clothes, and more trucks, and sporting equipment and baseball caps. (i have all those things for rani already, but what else do you get for boys?)
so now you have it, we're having baby tony patel. i have a feeling this journey is going to be just as exciting as the last one.
you waited this long, a few more minutes of reading won't hurt.
as i was driving to my ultrasound yesterday morning, i felt this sense of nervous excitement i hadn't felt in a long time. i haven't been on time to a doctor's appointment in the last three years, but this time, even with rani in tow, i was there way ahead of time. driving down martin luther king drive to the university of chicago hospital, i was hyperaware of all the happy details of my surroundings. the way the old mansions lining the south side of chicago held a faded glory, and how happily the crossing guard waved hello, and how even the unplanted flowers sneaking up through the abandoned lots boasted a vibrancy i hadn't noticed before. washington park seemed greener than i had ever seen it (probably because of the relentless rain the last few days) and pedestrians even chose to forego jaywalking right in front of my car. little girls skipped on their way to school and i couldn't help but think that could be my new little one in a few years. little boys raced each other down the sidewalk, and i thought there could be my little boy. this entire pregnancy, i've felt this baby is going to be a boy, which of course i'll be happy about, but then i already know how happy a little girl would make me, even the second time around.
rups joined me for the ultrasound, and as the tech put the warm gel on my stomach and reached for the probe, rani let out a loud protest from his lap. she thought the tech was hurting me, and was going to do everything to stop her from continuing. but even our ranya, so vocal and boisterous, sat still as the image of the baby came up on the screen.
the tech asked if we wanted to know what the sex of the baby was. in unison, or maybe only in my head, i exclaimed "yes!". and she said...
it's so funny how you can forget some of the most important feelings you've ever had. i'd forgotten how gently babies kick when you first start feeling them inside you. when the little bell pepper inside me (that's how big he is at 18 weeks) stretches his legs, it's as if he's fluttering butterfly wings in the air against me--soft and delicate, yet detectable and always pleasantly surprising. he weighs only 7 ounces (the amount of milk in my cereal this morning), but already he's so hugely present in our lives.
i don't know if it's a boy or girl, but i'll use 'he' for the sake of convenience. it's strange to think he's already got a full circulatory system, and if he's a girl (odd statement), the uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. this week he will start hearing; i better stop swearing. :) he seems more scientifically based this time, whereas with rani, she was pure emotion. yesterday we hung out with friends that had kids about two years apart, and it was fascinating to see just how different their personalities were, even in the younger toddler. given that both my babies will be scorpios, i can only imagine they will both be passionate and headstrong and driven, but beyond that, it's anyone's guess.
i never usually talk about what i wish for my kids, but i think these daydreams i have are pretty universal. i dream that this baby will be smart, and adorable, and clever. he'll have rups' mouth and my eyes. he'll make us laugh till our sides hurt and we are gasping for air, but he'll also make us cry with pride. he'll take care of his big sister with ferocity but always put his full competitive effort into basketball games with her. he'll learn how to cook so well that by fifteen years old i will prefer his cooking to any restaurant. he'll be able to sing and dance (where he'll get that from, i don't know) and play music that hypnotizes me. he'll love to travel and bombard me with tales of journeys that will leave me shaking my head in wonder. he'll get along with everyone, from Yale-going turtleneckers to NASCAR-loving tanktoppers. he'll be kind, and generous, and levelheaded. most of all, when i look into his eyes fifty years from now, i'll still see reflected back the spark of happiness that i see on day one.
welcome, second trimester! no more sleeping at random daytime hours due to sheer exhaustion. my energy is returning in leaps and bounds and my appetite is back to normal (i crave sweets again!). the baby is now the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. his/her eyes have moved closer to the front of the head and his/her ears are close to their final position, too. he/she has even started growing toenails. supposedly over the next couple weeks the weight will double! apparently, that is happening to me, too.
i thought the rule was to never ask someone if they were pregnant unless they actually saw the baby's head coming out. i'm only four months along--why am i getting asked already when i'm due??? by people i have not even told i'm pregnant?? two moms in rani's playgroup and one of their nannies independently asked me last week. what if i'd just grown a bit of a gut lately? granted, they'd seen me regularly for the past year and so know what i normally look like, but still! i've only gained about 9 pounds; you'd think someone had inflated me with an air mattress pump. i don't know whether to revel in my prego-ness or be insulted that i'm being asked that question so early! with rani, i didn't really start showing till almost six months, and even at seven months, people were surprised to hear i was expecting. i guess it's true that you show earlier the second time around. what if there's a third? i'll be asked before i even know i'm pregnant!
we find out the sex of the baby in about two weeks. right now, i'm feeling it is a boy, but i thought rani might be a boy in the very beginning, too. to answer your question, i will be happy with either a girl or boy. if it's a girl, rani will have a sister (which, in my experience, is one of the greatest gifts in the world), and if it's a boy, the pressure is off to have a third. :) rups loves rani beyond measure, but let's face it--he's a guy's guy and wants a son at some point.
rani is really getting into the big sister role. if we ask her where the baby is, she'll run over to my stomach and give it a pat and a kiss. i can't wait to see her as a big sister. she thinks kids younger than her are boring, but hopefully that will change when she becomes mommy's helper. she also thinks all babies are named cici (her 8 month old cousin). this will be interesting and i'm sure, hilarious. i wonder if she'll be the kind of older sister that throws stuffed animals at the baby, or pushes it over just to see it fall, or regresses back to wanting her diaper changed all the time. somehow i think she's going to be more helpful, but either way, i know the jealousy is going to kick in soon...
